Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
