She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
