That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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