I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
