but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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