my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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