she smelled like a LAN party
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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