I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
