he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
