I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
