They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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