when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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