What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
