I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
