im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
