he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
