i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
