It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
