This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
