just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
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