sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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