If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
