look no pants
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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