I skipped work to stalk him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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