I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
FUCK WHALES
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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