But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
