I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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