Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
