my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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