..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
