Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
