I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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