hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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