do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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