Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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