i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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