xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize