I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
