hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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