i can't believe i had my finger in that
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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