Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
