i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
