He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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