i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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