goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize