I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
