I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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