But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
