Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This house was built for laser tag.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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