I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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