I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
