There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have aggressive nipples.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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