so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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