New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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