I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
