Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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