"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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