You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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