His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
