I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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