Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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