Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
