i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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